The Whys Have Arrived
I thought we had dodged a bullet, so to speak.
My son, who will be 3 in July, had started talking, a little later than normal, but things had picked up over the last few months to the point that he is talking in sentences, can follow one- and two-step directions (if he is so inclined), and can communicate his needs clearly (again, if he is so inclined).
The stage of constant questioning why, I thought, had possibly been avoided. Mostly the question he was asking was “What is that?” A lot. But that is a much easier question than the “Why” I had been warned about.
But over the last week or two, we have transitioned into the stage where he asks “Why?” And I mean about nearly everything.
I suppose I should be happy about this since it shows a progression in development and how he looks at the world.
We have gone from simply being curious about the world and figuring out what things are to being curious about the world and figuring out why things are the way they are.
But man is it tiring, and sometimes there are no good reasons I can come up with that explain why things are the way they are, all I can come up with is that’s just they way it is. Pretty lame, I think.
It turns out, getting this constant questioning gives parents a chance to examine their family life and figure out if there are changes that need to be made. And while it can be tiring, it actually ends up keeping you on your toes, and if you can’t explain it to your 2-year-old, maybe you can ditch whatever it is.
You just have to try not to get exasperated as you hear “Why?” for the 100th time that day when you tell your very tired and grumpy toddler it’s bedtime. If you can do that, and answer his question, then you have had a successful day.
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On a totally unrelated note, when we got about 2.5 inches of rain Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, which prohibited my son from playing outside much at day care on Wednesday, and then proceeded to get another 1.25 inches Wednesday evening, prohibiting him from playing outside Wednesday night, my son said, “Mommy, can you turn off the rain?”
Moments like that are just wonderful because you realize, even though he’s fighting for independence, he still thinks you can do pretty much anything and you know pretty much everything.
Later, I imagine we’ll get to the stage where, as he’s fighting for independence, he thinks you can’t do anything right and you don’t know anything, either. I think I’ll savor this time, before we get to the latter stage.
Subscribe to the comments for this postPesticides and ADHD
A study published today in the journal Pediatrics could have some parents reaching for organic produce or at least paying more attention to washing items like frozen blueberries, fresh strawberries and celery. And in fact, that’s what one researcher of the study suggests.
The study found that kids with more than usual levels of a pesticide marker in their bodies were nearly two times more likely to have ADHD. It’s the largest study yet that examined pesticides and child behavior.
While more studies are likely to come, carefully washing produce seems like an obvious step for safety.
Here’s a link to the MSNBC story about the study.
It Makes Sense To Him
Here I collect a few funny snapshots of my life, courtesy of my son, who is 2 1/2. Hopefully these little snippets will brighten your day. So here we go:
The other day on the way home from daycare we were talking about what we were going to have for drink and snack before going outside to play. He said “I want coffee in my milk.” Umm, I don’t think so, but when he’s old enough for coffee, in about 15 years, I will advocate he take it the way it is supposed to be — black.
My son and I were outside in the backyard the day after his dad filled the sandbox on his swing set. I was doing a little workout circuit on the patio while he was playing on the swing set. I was doing my thing, keeping my eye on him, listening to his chatter. I heard him say, “But mommy, my clothes are getting dirty.” I told him that was OK, we could shake them out later. I didn’t think too much of it and continued my circuit. A few moves later, I think it was alternating side planks with push ups in between, he got awfully quiet. I look over and everything seems fine. Next thing I know, he comes walking my way in just his pull-up. Sigh. I go intercept him so we can get dressed again, asking him why he took off his clothes. He answers because his clothes were getting dirty. Of course. Better to have a dirty body than dirty clothes, I guess. (Side note on that: Why can’t kids get dressed as quickly as they can take off their clothes? It sure would save a lot of time.)
Two days after writing this post about people starting to ask “So when are you going to have another one?”, my son said “I have a sister.” Is this a hint from him that he wants us to provide him with a sibling, or is he imagining things? I don’t know. Anyway, I clarify that mommy has a sister and daddy has sisters, so maybe that’s what he’s thinking about. Still, he insists he has a sister though he couldn’t tell me where this sister was. Maybe if he has an imaginary sister, we don’t even have to think about whether to have another child…
I recently gave my son and husband haircuts — summer buzz-cuts, you might call them. The son was happy because his cut is just like daddy’s. That, plus a pocket T-shirt (the kind daddy likes to wear to work so his cell phone has a home in his shirt pocket) and a tape measure (daddy uses one often) clipped to his jeans pocket makes my son’s uniform complete. He can’t stop talking about how he wants to go to work (just like daddy). We’ve tried to explain that he doesn’t have to start working yet, that his job right now is growing up. Still, he’s insistent that he wants to go to work. So, I tell him every morning he has to get ready so we can all go to work — it’s just that his job entails playing and napping. I’m pretty sure most adults can only dream of a similar job.
Just Text Me
I remember my grandparents, and occasionally my parents, spelling out things when I was a kid so I wouldn’t know what they were talking about.
That lasted only until I could spell, which apparently wasn’t long enough for my grandparents, who still wanted to keep secrets from my listening ears. My grandmother has told me a story where she spelled something, and I piped up, saying something like, “Grandma, why don’t you want me to know about that?” That was the end of the spelling.
Associated Press - Greg Abel and his wife Jennifer Mendelsohn's children, Alec, left, and Ethan, right, jokingly hold their hands over their ears April 18 in Baltimore. Whether it's out and about or stuck at home with no date night in sight, parents are constantly on the hunt for kid-proof ways to communicate with each other about things that can't wait until bedtime.
Mostly, though, what they were spelling were things they wanted to check with my parents if it was OK to give me, like i-c-e c-r-e-a-m.
I have found myself spelling things once in a while, unfortunately enough, since when I was a kid I thought it was a silly thing to do.
Sometimes, you just can’t get around it — and it’s an easy thing to do, especially when the kid you’re avoiding talking in front of is only 3. He surely can’t spell b-a-t-h or c-o-o-k-i-e yet.
And if you say bath or cookie out loud, you might as well just give him a cookie and put him in the bath right this instant because you’re not going to be able to forget about it until you give in. After all, you’re the one who brought these things up.
I ran across an Associated Press story a couple of weeks ago that talked about the new thing in keeping things from little ears — texting, e-mailing, IMing. That’s right. The high-tech version of s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g, and one that could stand the test of time, as long as your teen doesn’t get a hold or your cell phone or hack into your e-mail.
Here’s a portion of the AP story:
“There was a time when I would get really upset if I was IMed from another room in the house. Now it’s a complete parental survival tool,” says KellyAnn Bonnell, whose kids are 10 and 15.
Tammy Gold, a parenting coach in Short Hills, N.J., says phones and online tools are particularly important in tight spaces like apartments, where there are fewer secluded spots, and especially with older kids who stay up as late or later than the grown-ups.
“I’ve had parents who say it’s weeks before they can speak,” she says.
Parents in two-BlackBerry households are using the company’s free text service and relying on the messaging features on Facebook since they’re logging on frequently anyway. Others have come up with languages all their own.
“Should we partake in a visit to the place with aluminum obstacles or cages containing mammals?” Greg Abel and his wife value their synonyms — that’s the playground and the zoo — when their kids are listening, especially when more open discussion would likely lead to a sibling spat or major disappointment.
“We have a bright 5-year-old who can spell, so we can’t spell out words in front of him,” said Abel, from Baltimore, Md. “If we’re trying to decide if we should give him ice cream, but only after his younger brother has gone to bed, we might say, ‘Should we give the elder a frozen confection?”’
Jessica Gottleib, the mother of an 11-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son in Los Angeles, grew up with elders who spoke German when they didn’t want the kids to hear.
She and her husband text at home for ears-only chats and aren’t above a little incentive to keep their confabs confidential.
“We usually just send them out of the room and then whisper, though we’ve been known to give them a dollar if they scat faster.”
Not everyone’s on board the technology train in excluding kids. Sharon Hirsch, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the University of Chicago Medical Center, thinks parents lose a lot when they rely too much on instant technology.
“Texting or e-mailing is fine for brief informational exchanges like I’m picking up Jimmy at 7,” she said. “But the best way to communicate complex ideas, issues and concepts is directly, face to face. You don’t do that in an IM.”
I certainly can see the appeal of a short text conversation or update between parents. I mean, I’ve already admitted to spelling to avoid saying a word in front of my toddler.
The thing about spelling is it only works for a short time. But texting, e-mailing or IMing could be good tools for parents long after the kids become proficient in spelling, but only if those tools are used for little things. Hopefully texting, e-mailing or IMing don’t become a crutch people use to avoid face-to-face interaction and tough discussions. I’m with the psychiatrist quoted in the AP story on that.
Obesity Task Force Plan Has Lofty Goal
First Lady Michelle Obama and other task force members presented the plan of a national Obesity Task Force today. It comes after her February announcement of the Let’s Move! campaign, which has the goal of getting families more active and eating healthier to turn back the clock on the childhood obesity epidemic.
The plan set out today aims to bring the percentage of children who are obese to 5 percent, the same as the percentage of obese children in 1970, before the rate started rising. Today, nearly 32 percent of children age 2 to 19 are overweight or obese.
According to the White House press release:
In total, the report presents a series of 70 specific recommendations, many of which can be implemented right away. Summarizing them broadly, they include:
Getting children a healthy start on life, with good prenatal care for their parents; support for breastfeeding; adherence to limits on “screen time”; and quality child care settings with nutritious food and ample opportunity for young children to be physically active.
Empowering parents and caregivers with simpler, more actionable messages about nutritional choices based on the latest Dietary Guidelines for Americans; improved labels on food and menus that provide clear information to help parents make healthy choices for children; reduced marketing of unhealthy products to children; and improved health care services, including BMI measurement for all children.
Providing healthy food in schools, through improvements in federally-supported school lunches and breakfasts; upgrading the nutritional quality of other foods sold in schools; and improving nutrition education and the overall health of the school environment.
Improving access to healthy, affordable food, by eliminating “food deserts” in urban and rural America; lowering the relative prices of healthier foods; developing or reformulating food products to be healthier; and reducing the incidence of hunger, which has been linked to obesity.
Getting children more physically active, through quality physical education, recess, and other opportunities in and after school; addressing aspects of the “built environment” that make it difficult for children to walk or bike safely in their communities; and improving access to safe parks, playgrounds, and indoor and outdoor recreational facilities.
This comes just a week after the release of the U.S. National Physical Activity Plan (my blog post about that plan is here).
Both plans go beyond just one area of focus, which is what I think some other initiatives are lacking. Decreasing obesity rates, increasing activity and promoting healthy eating have to be more than just a focus at schools. These things have to be a focus in schools, families, health care, and in the private sector as food companies increase nutritional quality of their food.
Just like with the recently released physical activity plan, I hope this plan gathers momentum, interest and leads to successes that increase the health of Americans, both children and adults alike.